5 Ways to Practice Humility
Ojibwe elder Mary Lyons, world-renowned activist, humanitarian, and spiritual advisor, stood in front of an audience near the headwaters of the Mississippi River. She delivered a rousing speech, imploring us to take a day of action to protect the waters of her northern Minnesota homeland, as reporters jockeyed for position with cameras and microphones. Then, with a sly grin toward the emcee, she regaled us with a hilarious story about the morning’s struggle to get out the door with her grandkids, and how she’d barely arrived in time for the event.
Even at the height of her rhetorical powers, Lyons was comfortable laughing at her own foibles. Her humility shone through. She called on us to be humble, too, and to recognize our intimate relationship to the earth and each other.
Grounded in the Latin word for “earth,” humus, humility describes a lack of self-centeredness, which allows us to embody dignity and stability without the baggage of egotism.
As a recovering alcoholic, I have been humbled in many agonizing ways, but facing my failures directly has given me a clearer vision of myself and my power to choose the life I want. Far from being a weakness, humility can actually be a reflection of inner strength.
Although we live in a culture that often celebrates arrogance, we can learn to stand up for our own values with genuine humility. This doesn’t mean sacrificing our self-esteem.
On the contrary, humility is a cornerstone of healthy relationships: It can allow us to acknowledge both our shortcomings and our strengths while holding space for someone else in our lives.
In Mere Christianity, writer C. S. Lewis describes the humble man this way: “He will not be thinking about humility: He will not be thinking about himself at all.” Every day, people caring for others embody this attitude without giving it a second thought, wishing “Shabbat shalom” to their Jewish colleagues, or saying “happy holidays” to a stranger.
Humility makes room for connection in a world rife with division. Consider these five ways we can practice it.
1) Listening
If we really wish to develop humility, listening to others is fundamental. Hearing other perspectives helps us shift from our own limited position to a broader, more inclusive point of view.
To deepen humility with listening, bring your whole focus to whoever is speaking to you and release any thoughts of fixing, judging, or controlling. This helps us see beyond the lens of our own narrow understanding.
Recently, one of my Zen colleagues offered a series of trainings on protecting the environment. Afterward, she spent a half-hour with each attendee simply listening to their independent reflections about the experience.
For her, the most powerful moment of the day occurred when one of the trainees told her that something she’d done had been hurtful. This opportunity for apology, amends, and humble connection is where she found the most growth — but she never would have had that revelation had she not first listened with an open mind and heart. (For more on changing the way you listen, see “5 Tips to Become a Better Listener.”)
2) Mindfulness
Paradoxically, self-awareness can help free us from self-centeredness. Mindfully observing our own bodies and emotions while interacting with others may reveal self-indulgent patterns. It can help us learn to recognize when our shoulders are tense, when our breath is shallow, or when we feel worried.
Often, those anxious or irritable feelings can compel us to focus on controlling other people to achieve our desired result. But trying to manipulate other people is not a mark of humility.
By focusing on our own bodies and hearts through a mindfulness practice, we can make space for enhancing our capability to understand those around us and to communicate our needs in a confident, respectful way.
It is possible to be mindful of our bodies, emotions, and environments at any time, but it really helps to practice when things aren’t too stressful. Mindfulness meditation, or time spent mindfully doing simple, low-stress tasks like cooking or gardening, can help us be more mindful when things get challenging. (Get more advice for starting a mindfulness practice at “5 Tips to Start a Mindfulness Practice.”)
3) Openness
Sometimes, life humbles us. When you make an error, do you respond with defensiveness or denial, or with openness and a willingness to grow?
Jazz musician Herbie Hancock sometimes tells a story of playing a terribly wrong note during a concert with Miles Davis. He felt wracked with guilt, as if he’d ruined the whole night.
But Davis took the note and incorporated it into his solo, so it fit beautifully. Hancock realized that there is always a way to mend a mistake and move forward.
The truth is that everyone makes mistakes. Humility can give us the power to meet those blunders with compassion and courage — to turn the poison into medicine, as the Buddhist saying goes. (For more on making the most of your missteps, see “5 Reasons Why Failure is Essential for Personal Growth and Career Success.“)
4) Gratitude
There are many ways to shift our perspective beyond the self, to realize our true relationship with the world. Few are more pleasant and effective than cultivating gratitude.
Have you ever known someone to go on vacation just to spend all their time complaining about the other drivers, the people waiting in line, the slow service, or the irritating crowds? How about someone who focuses on the interesting sights and the people who helped them along the way? Odds are that one of those folks is going to have a more pleasant travel experience than the other.
The humble heart can appreciate the good things life brings. We can cultivate gratitude by remembering to voice our appreciation when we talk to others or by writing a list of things we are grateful for at the end of every day — expressing thanks for having access to food, for the people who serve us. The opportunities are boundless. (Discover more ways to express gratitude at “4 Ways to Express Gratitude.”)
5) Giving and Receiving
I recall two times my son seemed happiest: First, during his high school graduation ceremony, when his community and family were showering him with congratulations and praise. The second time was during the COVID-19 pandemic, when he was volunteering overnight as a medic for a homeless encampment. Receiving offerings and giving of ourselves with an open heart can both remind us of the power of community and counteract our self-centered tendencies.
As I recovered from addiction and trauma, I had to learn to accept the love and support of people around me, even when I wasn’t sure I deserved it. While those lessons were difficult for me, they opened the door to a full life of healthy connections.
When I trained as a volunteer meditation instructor in prisons, my teacher told me, “You will gain far more than you give, doing this work.” Meeting the anguish in prison was hard, but it helped me recognize the fragility and value of human life and the possibility of practicing humility among people I might have assumed were inferior to me.
Whether the gift is large or small, if we receive it with gratitude and give it with no strings attached, we prepare the ground where humility blooms.
